Parenting right? Fiction Vs Reality.

Even after my bubble of ‘easy pregnancy’ had been burst, when my daughter arrived, a new bubble of ignorance developed. Everything was wonderful, lovely, perfect. She slept through the night pretty much immediately (I know how fricking lucky I was). She slotted in to life with ease. Once she woke, I’d have my routine with her of feeding, washing, engaging, playing etc and then I’d put her in the push chair and stroll to the shops with a bliss I find hard to describe even now. She smiled at me and other people. She gurgled and leaned in to new experiences. She’d fall asleep and I would stop at the coffee shop, order a pastry and coffee and sit there with this serene, maybe even semi smug feeling of how gloriously perfect everything was.

She then had little brother arrive and went on to join a Montessori. Life became a little busier as Child 2 didn’t sleep as easily as my first and wanted a lot more physical contact. That was OK. I still had my Baby Bjorn carrier which became an extra appendage to my body during this time and meant I could still be and do all things for both my children.

Then Child 1 started school (alongside the arrival of Child 3). Well, that well and truly burst my bubble of ignorant bliss. School itself was fine and all was going well (all things considered) but I did not appreciate when Child 1 came home one day and asked me “Mummy, what does fuck mean?”!!!!!!!! Apparently another child had been saying ‘fuck’ to all the kids in class. I didn’t send my kids to school to learn words like that! How can that be? What is wrong with the system? What kind of parents does this other child have? hahahaha I laugh now at my own naivety but at the time I was mortified. That, was the very first time I realised that no matter how hard I try to parent right (whatever that actually looks like, I’ll be fucked if I know?) there is no right or wrong. All there is, is fiction vs reality and I had to realign my views on how this parenting thing was going to evolve.

To this day I remember a friend saying to me, “you will create this perfect little being and all will be well. And then your child is going to start school and that is when you lose them”! At the time, I thought, “how cynical?” but she was right. I could never have imagined how the vast array of influences would affect my child, and subsequently us as a family. Not in a million years! Don’t get me wrong, some of those influences have been remarkable, astounding, amazing and most wonderful but as my children grow older, a lot more negative, derogatory, sad, influences have begun to permeate their lives. Some of them have shook our family to the core (that’s another blog post) and though all I want to do is protect my babies from all that is harmful in the world, one of the most important lessons I have learnt is that I cannot. All I can do is help equip them with the necessary tools, in the hope that they will make the right choices for themselves and their future. And that , I have come to realise is my key to parenting right!